Parenting

Style                     Multidimensional Features of Parenting

	Connection	Regulation	Autonomy Granting
Authoritarian (Rigid)	Low	High	Low
Authoritative (Flexibility)	High	High	High
Permissive	Low to Moderate	Low to Moderate	High

There are three main parenting styles:

-Authoritarian: (aka coercive) lots of rules, but are not very clear. High expectations. use guilt, manipulation, physical punishment,  pain, bribes, etc. Its all about being the boss and having complete control followed by unquestioning obedience. 

-Authoritative: have clear boundaries, but are warm and accepting. Controls behavior moderately and allows for children to express their opinions and develop their own decision-making ability. 

-Permissive: Minimize control. Few or no parental constraints or guidance. Children make their own decisions. Parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do. 

Good Parenting is Intentional, not achieved by accident.  

It is important to realize that there are many reasons children misbehave. Below are some examples of possible reasons why children misbehave: 

-attention seeking (many use this as an obvious cop out, but of course children need attention) 

-want or desire for power

-testing limits (maximizing autonomy) 

-Frustration/stress/ anger/emotions... 

-regulation of emotions (dis-regulated emotions)

-ignorance (they need to be taught) 

-exploring (emotions/environment/etc.) 

-because they want to/they can

-afraid

-impulsive

-parenting style/techniques

-rebellion

-change in schedule/environment

-wants to be structured/feel safe and secure

-tired/too much going on

-hungry

-lonely

-bored

-media influence/learned from example

When we focus on unmet needs of children we are able to set aside the temptation to punish. We focus on helping them to recognize and seek to fulfill their own needs in a productive way. 

A power struggle is the parents inability to meet an child's need. 

Punishment is course of action to extinguish behavior or to stop undesired actions/behaviors. However, many times with out realizing it when trying to extinguish behavior they are using reinforcement instead and are encouraging the undesirable behavior. Reinforcement is generally used to encourage a desired behavior through positive reinforcement (adding or giving something) or negative reinforcement (subtracting or taking away something negative.