Trends affecting the family

There are many trends among people today that are having an affect on the family including, but not limited to the following:

-         Divorce rates are higher than they were 100 years ago, but there is now a decline in the divorce rate. This seems like a good thing right? But is it because there are more happy marriages or just not as many people getting married.

-         More people, men and especially women, are moving out of their parents’ home and living alone leading to a higher desire to get a career before starting a family.

-         Cohabitation has become an accepted alternative to marriage.

-         Increasing births to unmarried mothers increasing.

-         An overall decrease in birthrate.

-         Increase poverty among children.

-         Increase in dual employment and decrease in traditional roles.

-         Smaller household size.

-         Individualism: people are less concerned with others and more about themselves. There are two types of individualism. Utilitarianism: concern and desire for personal achievement. Expression: concern and desire for personal happiness.

These are just of the few ‘trends’ that have been discussed in class that are changing the way we view family. I think its important that we maintain healthy families, not necessarily ‘traditional’ families. The traditional marriage involved economic opportunity, oppressive male dominance and cruel child laws. This is not what we want. Our textbook made an interesting statement “a satisfying marriage provides you with a built in support system to help with the varied challenges and struggles in life”. Although there seems to be less of a value of marriage and the positive attributes of a marriage, according to the text many people have struggled with the “me vs. we” debate. The growing number of singles (never-married, divorced, widowed) and single-parent families does not reflect a preferred state in order to pursue happiness, but the problems of finding a suitable mate.

 In class Brother Winfree asked us to discuss what we wanted in our family and it made me think about the things that would make an ‘ideal’ family situation and what I would be willing to sacrifice.

I want to be able to be a stay-at-home mom, but I want to have an education incase I need to work. Also I plan on working before I start a family to have a good savings and foundation so that when I do have kids I will have the choice and opportunity to stay home. I also understand that times are hard and things don’t always work out ‘ideal’, so if I do have to work I would like to have a career that I can have flexible hours so I can still spend time with my family. My family is the most important thing to me and I will sacrifice having the luxuries of life if it means I can be at home with my children. However, I also don’t want my husband to have to be working constantly just to provide for us. I want for him to be able to be home as often ad he can so that we can all spend time together. I have placed a big importance of having a stable healthy family. Mainly because my family growing up has been pretty chaotic and so I want to do better for my children. I also have placed a big importance and I know that I must have an education (education=more options) and especially in the world today it is important to have a back-up plan. 

What is "The Learning Model"?

If you are a student at BYU-Idaho this is a common phrase that you may hear from multiple teachers. I never realized that before even knowing what it was I used it in my life. The learning model is basically a three step process of preparing, teaching one another, and ponder and proving. Applying it to education we are taught to prepare before class by completing pre-assignments and reading. Also we must be prepared to share our thoughts with the class, which is where teaching one another comes into play. Everyone has different experiences and by sharing our thoughts with each other we learn more. The last step is Ponder and Prove, which is done through reviewing the material after class and applying it to your life as well as tests and homework. Now it seems like common knowledge and what I have done since I started going to school, but recognizing the steps helps to apply it in other parts of life. 

Now since this is a Family Relations course, we discussed how the learning model can be applied in our current and future families. Here are some of the things we came up with.

-         We are preparing now as students and taking this class to learn about the family and how we can improve.

-         Our “original” family with our parents is preparing for our “future” family with husband and wife. As a married couple we teach one another because we are both coming from different backgrounds and must come together to decide what works for us. We ponder the things we were taught in our family and prove by creating our own family.

-         We are preparing to teach our children and to be taught by them.

-         We teach through example and prepare our children for when it comes time for them to create their own family.

-         We are preparing here on earth and proving our faith and obedience so that we may return to our Heavenly Father.

-         Another interesting point that was made in class was that we all reach a development age where we don’t ‘learn’ more values, its just a reminder of what we should be doing. Usually around age 14 or 15 we already have our basic ideas of what is right and wrong and the rest of our life we are pondering and proving what we were taught.

-         A good way to ponder and prove on your personal family and the successes and failures is keeping a family journal (possible blog?) for you to reflect on what happens in your family. As well as a source for your children to look back on when they are older.

These are just of the few ways that the learning model can be applied to family.

 One statement that really caught my attention was “Healthy families are intentional, preparing is not accidental”. One thing that has always been important to me is family traditions and it is important that we have traditions to teach our children the right thing to do, as well as to have a happy family. For example, traditions of family dinner, family home evening, family prayer and family activities promote unity and communication between family members. 

What is Family?

This semester I am taking a course called Family Relations. I am taking this class because I want to better understand the Family as a system and how the family impacts our lives. I want to learn from my experiences with my family and expand on that to learn how I can build a strong family of my own.

The typical 'legal' definition of a family is defined as a group of people who are related through blood, marriage or adoption. Many people however go beyond this generic definition and tend to say that in order to be family you have a bond, are willing to sacrifice, love, and interact with each other. Under this definition we often don't consider people that are related, but we don't know very well and include people who we have a close personal bond with. Although these relationships are important and exist, our family is literally those related through blood, marriage, or adoption (formal and informal). In class we discussed the definition of a family and someone mentioned how in the Temple we are sealed to our 'family' and that doesn't include our friends who we consider like family, but rather those who are related. I thought this was interesting. We also talked about the importance of family. Families are eternal and God has placed us in families for a reason, they are essential to God's plan for His children. We learn and grow from each other and the role of a Family is highly valued in the LDS church. It is recognized as a divine responsibility to raise our family on the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Now, how does my family fit into the definition of a 'family'. Thats where it gets complicated... so here is my side of the story. I can only tell what I know and so that basically begins when I was born (and its not like I exactly remember that). I was born into and already complicated family...I had two siblings. My older brother-by 4 years-and I have the same Dad, but different Moms. My older sister-by 3 years-and I have the same Mom, but different Dads. Needless to say we were not yet members of the LDS church. As a child my dad wasnt around much... he was a truck driver who drove all across the United States. A little less than 2 years after I was born I was blessed with another brother (different dad and same mom). This time however, the dad stuck around which seemed like a good thing for a while. Things were going good, it seemed to be a pretty normal family. We were even blessed with another brother. We moved around a few times, but overall it felt like the typical 'normal' family... mom, dad and kids. My sister and I got really close, I learned so much from her and we were good friends. However, by the time I was 7 things got complicated again. Since, I was so young I didn't really know what was going on, but here is the shorten version of what I remember. First, I end up in a receiving home, then a foster home. Then my sister and I end up living with the father I had never really know, but this was better than being surrounded by confusion. I had already been separated from my 'parents' and then my brothers and soon after that my sister too. The only person I really had left was my dad. However, he become my family. He dropped his whole life to care for me and I don't think I can ever fully know all the sacrifices he made for me. We finally started to get settled into our new lives together.. however I  always felt like a part of me was missing. Then my mom started showing up again, I thought maybe having her around would help fill the emptiness. Although it seemed to help a little, I still had a whole inside that made me feel incomplete. Eventually, my family increased... when I was 13 my biological parents finally got married.. every child's dream right? Well I was happy, but I also was confused. Had the past just disappeared... was I just supposed to forget everything that happened... was that even possible? I was placed back into my 'old' family and supposed to pretend like everything was okay and we were one big happy family again... but one thing was missing (three actually.. my sister and two brothers). We had no way to contact them or anything and I was so confused. What had I done wrong to become an only child pretty much. Luckily I still had my older brother.. but he was with his mom most of the time. I felt so alone and empty.. my family was incomplete. It was great to have my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc... but I just couldn't forget my siblings. I realized that I was lucky to have most of my family, but with that also came memories of the past . I realized my siblings had to start over, but was that such a bad thing to gain more family... when I lost family? Through a series of events, my parents and I continued our lives together and when I was 14 we found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints and it became an important part of our lives. The church has helped me to realize that God has a plan. The loss of family has given me a greater desire to build a strong family. Family is important to me, and although there is much more complication to my current (extended) family, I continue to strive to create bonds in the family I have. I don't want to lose anymore family, as well as I hope to gain the ones I have lost. I believe it is important to recognize who our 'family' is and to strive to strengthen our 'family'. I know that the family is a divine creation of God and although the definition of a family is often twisted today, it is still important and needs to be preserved.