What is Family?

This semester I am taking a course called Family Relations. I am taking this class because I want to better understand the Family as a system and how the family impacts our lives. I want to learn from my experiences with my family and expand on that to learn how I can build a strong family of my own.

The typical 'legal' definition of a family is defined as a group of people who are related through blood, marriage or adoption. Many people however go beyond this generic definition and tend to say that in order to be family you have a bond, are willing to sacrifice, love, and interact with each other. Under this definition we often don't consider people that are related, but we don't know very well and include people who we have a close personal bond with. Although these relationships are important and exist, our family is literally those related through blood, marriage, or adoption (formal and informal). In class we discussed the definition of a family and someone mentioned how in the Temple we are sealed to our 'family' and that doesn't include our friends who we consider like family, but rather those who are related. I thought this was interesting. We also talked about the importance of family. Families are eternal and God has placed us in families for a reason, they are essential to God's plan for His children. We learn and grow from each other and the role of a Family is highly valued in the LDS church. It is recognized as a divine responsibility to raise our family on the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Now, how does my family fit into the definition of a 'family'. Thats where it gets complicated... so here is my side of the story. I can only tell what I know and so that basically begins when I was born (and its not like I exactly remember that). I was born into and already complicated family...I had two siblings. My older brother-by 4 years-and I have the same Dad, but different Moms. My older sister-by 3 years-and I have the same Mom, but different Dads. Needless to say we were not yet members of the LDS church. As a child my dad wasnt around much... he was a truck driver who drove all across the United States. A little less than 2 years after I was born I was blessed with another brother (different dad and same mom). This time however, the dad stuck around which seemed like a good thing for a while. Things were going good, it seemed to be a pretty normal family. We were even blessed with another brother. We moved around a few times, but overall it felt like the typical 'normal' family... mom, dad and kids. My sister and I got really close, I learned so much from her and we were good friends. However, by the time I was 7 things got complicated again. Since, I was so young I didn't really know what was going on, but here is the shorten version of what I remember. First, I end up in a receiving home, then a foster home. Then my sister and I end up living with the father I had never really know, but this was better than being surrounded by confusion. I had already been separated from my 'parents' and then my brothers and soon after that my sister too. The only person I really had left was my dad. However, he become my family. He dropped his whole life to care for me and I don't think I can ever fully know all the sacrifices he made for me. We finally started to get settled into our new lives together.. however I  always felt like a part of me was missing. Then my mom started showing up again, I thought maybe having her around would help fill the emptiness. Although it seemed to help a little, I still had a whole inside that made me feel incomplete. Eventually, my family increased... when I was 13 my biological parents finally got married.. every child's dream right? Well I was happy, but I also was confused. Had the past just disappeared... was I just supposed to forget everything that happened... was that even possible? I was placed back into my 'old' family and supposed to pretend like everything was okay and we were one big happy family again... but one thing was missing (three actually.. my sister and two brothers). We had no way to contact them or anything and I was so confused. What had I done wrong to become an only child pretty much. Luckily I still had my older brother.. but he was with his mom most of the time. I felt so alone and empty.. my family was incomplete. It was great to have my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc... but I just couldn't forget my siblings. I realized that I was lucky to have most of my family, but with that also came memories of the past . I realized my siblings had to start over, but was that such a bad thing to gain more family... when I lost family? Through a series of events, my parents and I continued our lives together and when I was 14 we found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints and it became an important part of our lives. The church has helped me to realize that God has a plan. The loss of family has given me a greater desire to build a strong family. Family is important to me, and although there is much more complication to my current (extended) family, I continue to strive to create bonds in the family I have. I don't want to lose anymore family, as well as I hope to gain the ones I have lost. I believe it is important to recognize who our 'family' is and to strive to strengthen our 'family'. I know that the family is a divine creation of God and although the definition of a family is often twisted today, it is still important and needs to be preserved.