Have a Nice Conflict (:

I am generally a person who tries to avoid conflict. In class we discussed the difference between contention and conflict. Contention (anger, hurting others and often ending without a solution) should be avoided, however conflict has some positive functions in relationships (especially marriage). 

The positive functions of Conflict include: 

1. Conflicts bring issues into the open so they can be discussed and fixed. 

2. Conflicts help to clarify issues. 

3. Conflicts can increase awareness of yourself and what you really want. 

4. Small conflicts help defuse more serious conflict - molehill can become mountains. 

5. Conflicts create and maintain a balance of power. 

We also talked about a case study of a couple in conflict. They did not resolve their small conflicts and it built up. In order to fix their situation some of the suggestions when in a situation like this are... 

-talk openly about concerns

-make it 'ours' not 'mine and yours' 

-let each other do their own jobs (defined roles and autonomy) 

-listen to each other

-find compromise

-unify 

-trust each other (confidence) 

Conflict is always based on your values (what is important to you) therefore in relationships it is important to talk about what you both value and make sure that our values are being upheld.  The question to ask each other is "what is so important to you that you would go into conflict?" and to keep in mind what the other person values.